Cybresomatic Zine #4: Until The Mind Believes

when at last i woke
no sight of flourescents
or soft beeps and hums
of life or death devices
but rather
the sharp yet
incandescent sounds of 
wheels, one of mans first creations
revolutions per minute sounds so
at last the turns stopped
and from the side of the 
now seen carriage
was a door, opening,
and there stood a being
or could it be?
I had no idea.
The being, an outstretched hand
one i took and walked out of the
dark enclosure of a coffin like
and outside was
the most magnificent of mansions
a large gate, slowly opening
for me?
out steps a man
    one with long beard and crooked nose
    long hair and soft smile
    i stood, looking at this man
    unbeknownst of what to do
    and with such unknown
    comes a name unheard from mankind
    one i would name my own.
i approach the man
for he knows me deeper than i know
and i know him
and in this journey of passing the gates
he embraces me
repeats my true name
welcomes me to his fathers house.
As i walk through the halls
of this wondrous father's home
he has pictures of me
hanging on every wall
with wonderful frames
as if i am precious to him
and along side me is this man
who knows my name
and smiles when he sees me.
we reach a door
one large wooden
looks heavy and smells of old
enter, the man says
before you.
the door is slightly heavy
upon touch it reminds me of long distict 
memories of struggle
struggle to meet those
who i care for
to see myself as one of them.
the door lead to a bright light
and upon view i could not decipher
who or what this was
but They spoke with warmth and benevolence
a voice of many and one
They spoke of me
in great detail
none of which was negative
They spoke of me
as though they knew me all my life
and just as the man had
They spoke my true name
and They spoke my true name
and what it had meant for them to 
call me as such 
to tell me what it meant.
They turned to a wall in the room
and i followed
there stood a Rube Goldberg machine
the marble lay at the bottom
looking as if complete
They took the marble and asked
do you think
your trajectory
was complete?
I stood confused
at the question.
with Their impossible grasp
pointed the way the machine goes
and with every word
nailed at my heart
for They knew my life
minute by minute
milisecond by milisecond
They knew the emotions
and i felt them
each joy
each tear
each heartbreak
and each love
and i knew They knew
and i knew the man knew
and they both knew i knew.
They said
do you regret?
I pondered at the thought
i reached under my shirt
lifted up a charm on a string
held it close to me 
and then handed it
to Them and said
I just wish I knew better then.